she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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