Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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