We named our party play list daddy issues
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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