Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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