Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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