it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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