did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He better not be in your backpack
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
