we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
