I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
