Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
