I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
