youre lurking in front of me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
