last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
