How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
