I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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