Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
