two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
