morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
