Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
