I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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