Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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