More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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