Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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