What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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