Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All the doctor said was why
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
