i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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