Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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