While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
