I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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