I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
