Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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