i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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