My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
