U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
