i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
