Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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