so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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