please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
