drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
