just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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