Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
