I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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