just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
