do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
