I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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