so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
