my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i out mim tonsoeep
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