This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
