dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
