If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
