just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
