I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
