dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
